Aunt Bernice’s Diary
The many different personalities of our beloved Aunt Bernice Berliner Weisse– a few are sweet, some are tart or a bit sour and some are just downright sassy. But how do we decide which version of Bernice to feature on our drink menus, you ask? Why, we ask Bernice herself of course. We like to imagine her adventures, and hope that our beers live up to her reputation. To help celebrate the upcoming birthday of everyone’s favorite aunt, here are some diary excerpts for your enjoyment. Happy birthday, Aunt Bernice!
July 20, 1963 – Bleuté Bernice
I had a great time with Grammy and PopPop this afternoon! We went out into their blueberry farm which is on a big, sunny hill in northern France and picked plump, juicy blueberries all day long. They were so delicious! Grammy told me she thought more went into my mouth then in the basket. I gave her a big smooch covering her face in blueberries and she exploded in laughter, shouting “Bleuté Bernice!”
August 7, 1968 – Fuzzy Bernice
This week we moved to Georgia, USA. People around here call it the ‘peach state” which I thought was weird until I actually tried one of these peaches. Oh. My. Gosh, y’all. It is like a sweet, juicy flavor explosion wrapped in a bizarre fuzzy skin. I asked Mom why, why, why does this fruit have a weird skin and she gave me the most lame explanation “because it’s just fuzzy, Bernice.” I gave her a dirty look. I think Mom gets annoyed with all my questions but I like being curious! I also like eating peaches. I’m thinking of moving to the country and eating a lot of peaches…
October 2, 1972 – Persepenice
It has been three amazing weeks since I started my backpacking trip across Europe and I am really glad I have this diary to document everything that has happened. I still can’t believe yesterday! Also – so. many blisters. I should have listened to Mom and bought some “sensible” shoes. But I sure do look fabulous!
Today I am exploring Budapest and have just fallen in love with this funky city. I also picked up a fellow traveler on my journey – a furry one! I was hanging out in this awesome bar sucking down some pomegranate martinis when an adorable scruffy white dog came up, jumped on my lap and started licking my face. Her bold, friendly disposition reminded me of…me! I looked at her name tag which read Persepenice. There was no contact information on the tag so I adopted her! Bernice and Persepenice traveling the world!
September 16, 1974 – Weekend at Bernice’s
Hola amigos! I have become quite the legend with my roommates, this entire university and even possibly the entire city of Columbus. People say I make THE best margarita this side of the border! They are constantly asking for my recipe – but I will never tell them my secret ingredient or even dare to write it in this journal. So instead we donned sombreros, had a massive fiesta at my house and I turned into a margarita-making machine! There was an “interesting” guy there who didn’t talk much or even move much, he just sat on the couch wearing sunglasses. But it was such a rad time and we partied so long people started calling it “Weekend at Bernice’s”!
June 3, 1978 – Passionate Bernice
I am in PARADISE. How fabulous is it that my BFF, Katie, chose none other than HAWAII for our annual girls’ trip?! I am never leaving this place. I don’t even care that a gallon of milk is like $10. All day long we bask in the sun taking quick breaks to pop into the ocean to cool off or snack on some delicious passion fruit or guava. I am absolutely giddy here! I also have fallen head over heels for the gorgeous bleach blond bartender, Blaze, who whips up dreamy frozen concoctions and delivers them right to our beach chairs. Katie double-dog dared me to ask him to make me a special drink, which of course I accepted with glee. Blaze sauntered over, handed me the personalized drink and whispered with a wink, “I call this one Passionate Bernice.” O.M.G.
November 17, 1980 – Aunt Bernice
I’ve been called a lot of names over the years (some deserved, some not) but I think my favorite is the one I was called today – Aunt Bernice. My sister had a handsome baby boy with chubby, cherub cheeks and a wild tuft of black hair that oddly resembled Andy Warhol in his self-portrait phase. I can’t wait to spoil this little one with all the sugary snacks and noisy toys I can find. Note to self – look for deals on drum sets.
February 20, 1990 – Tango and Bernice
Sometimes the best things happen when they are totally unexpected. I met the love of my life and we are quite the interesting pair. We have almost nothing in common, but opposites attract. We head out on a lot of adventures and we always conquer them as a team. With all of the things that life can throw at you, I’m happy to have the Tango to my Cash.
May 26, 2002 – Elder Bernice
Am I officially OLD? I always thought when you were old you would sit around knitting blankets, complaining about your cholesterol and planning your early bird dinner reservations. But here I am, doing none of those things, and still feeling just downright crotchety. We realized at today’s family reunion, in between bites of the most delectable elderberry pie, that I am indeed someone’s great aunt. Even just writing those words seem to make my hair turn a little greyer. I digress…old people do like to go to Vegas though and I am way overdue for a trip to visit my favorite Roulette wheel. I am not staying at that one hotel though – those kids with their loud rock music!